Negative Thoughts on Pursuing Positivity
By potatobiker on May 28, 2010 in Real Life--I DO Have One
I have been trying aaaaaallll sorts of things to become a happier, more positive person. Some work, some don’t. Whatever. Now for the venting…
One of the most revelatory things I have learned (and really do believe) is that each person has a happiness threshold that they were basically born with. Knowing this frees me to do what I can with what I was given rather than consistently falling short of an unreachable goal. But knowing this is also disappointing. Turns out I can only be as happy as *I* can be. In fact, sometimes I suspect this “fact” is like how they’ve changed pants sizes to make Americans feel better.
I get similar mixed feelings about how brains are wired. When I first really started understanding physical brain anatomy as SUCH a limitation in truly happy relationships with other human beings, I was first delighted. Wow, assigning an inability to be thoughtful or considerate or conversational, etc. to science made accepting it so much easier. But over time, it’s gotten more depressing constantly having to chalk so much up to differences in brain construction. I try to be aware of what I should expect out of people, but having to lower my hopes and expectations more and more to accommodate the lack of thought on the part of others is really becoming a drag. It feels completely the opposite of pursuing happiness.
Along those lines, I know that the only thing I can control in the whole world is my own behavior. Act how you want to feel. This makes sense and brings peace on occasion. But then it just feels as depressing as the brain thing. No matter how much I love someone or they love me, I still can never expect them to treat me with the consideration and understanding that I want (yes, yes, nor can they expect me to do likewise, surely). They likely won’t even have one iota of understanding for why their behavior makes me feel insulted, hurt, let down, or rejected. I can talk all I want but if they don’t think so, then what’s to change? Only me. It always always always comes down to me. And I get really worn down being one of the few people working on it.
I don’t want to be a “live together or die alone” person in an “every man for himself” world. But wish in one hand…
My point is this: A lot of things about pursuing happiness require acceptance of really shitty things. Pursuing happiness isn’t always a happy pursuit.
I’m glad a few of my friends are on this trip with me, though. Happiness is a struggle we are sharing 
*hug* Now back to project delight to log my delightful things for the day…
Chris | Jun 2, 2010 | Reply
I think a lot of things about pursuing happiness does require acceptance of some really shitty things, but I also think that pursuing happiness requires absolute rejection of some really shitty things.
Cindy and I know people who just love to bitch and complain about every little thing. It’s like they’re going out of their way to be unhappy about the most insanely insignificant things. We would love for these people to try to see things differently, but it’s a lot like hoarders. So many of them don’t consider what they do hoarding, or they just don’t see all the trash and filth. They don’t smell the dog shit or cat shit. They’re used to it. And when you’re used to being a miserable human being, you don’t see that, hey, you might be a miserable human being.
Maybe one day, they’ll choose to work harder on seeing things differently, but they’re in charge of their own timing, right? The best you can hope for is that someday they will make that choice, and they’ll look to you as an example, and for inspiration.
This reminds me of Ebenezer Scrooge because he had the exact opposite problem with happiness, with everyone being cheery.