I need strong OTHER flavors. I have always maintained that the smell of alcohol makes me ill, now I can say, yeah, a strong taste of it really does make me want to retch. Still, too many drinks do not work with just soda water. They are just bland and limp without the right ingredient. If I can make the proportions right, I might find several great things.

So, got some cocktail books at the library, and have mixed a few of my own recently. (not putting measures on here because honestly, I always lower the alcohol and up the fruit or sugar)

Bacardi cocktail: bacardi, grenadine, lime, powdered sugar or simple syrup
I thought this would be better. But it wasn’t.

Vodka stinger: vodka and creme de menthe
I can definitely see why this is a stomach settler. Pretty much like pure spearmint.

Brandy Alexander: brandy, creme de cacao, heavy cream
Was told chocolate lovers love it, it’s not too alcoholy… Nope. Man, brandy can overpower anything, in my opinion. Yeesh. I ended up having to drink some, remix it with MORE heavy cream and cacao, then put some chocolate syrup and nutmeg in there to drown it out more…then I still didn’t like it much. Looks like I’m not a brandy fan. Boo. But I will probably continue making heavy cream and creme de cacao mixtures LOL

Cuba libre: white rum, lime, coke
YES.

T-punch: white rum, lime, brown sugar, soda water.
Pretty OK. Would smash the brown sugar BEFORE the lime next time.

Kiwi Martini: vodka, simple syrup, fresh kiwi
Yeah, I don’t like tons of alcohol, so I splash the syrup and cut the vodka by half an ounce. And it’s very nice after that.

What do you think? I have many others to try and I find this very fun.

Let’s hope this isn’t the only good news we’ll have in 2008.

You know what I mean.

1. Futurama on Cartoon Network: Farnsworth says Holy Zombie Jesus! And they silented the “jesus” part.
2. Night Court on TV Land: A character says a singer is playing at Madison Square Garden and “Madison Square Garden” is silented out.

So what’s up with that?

(It would probably be funnier if it wasn’t true.)

Last week I brought a box of magazines and a few books to the library sale in the lobby: a jillion Entertainment Weeklies, several nature/conservation mags, etc. I spread them out on the empty table in the middle and went in to put up my things and start work.

Pretty soon, here comes DC with an armload of ETs and a book I brought. DC is one of those people who instantly decides you are her best friend and immediately starts asking favors of you. The second time I met her she asked me to record Days of Our Lives for her. You heard me. By the third time, she was asking me to go hang out at the casino. Usually, her husband comes in and talks our ears off about every movie ever. Neither of them have jobs, but they bought a house (which we were, of course, asked to help them move in to). One day they asked everyone for $10 to buy food with. DC always acts all cutesy like “(insert name here, and sing-song it)…will you come here and take off the filter for meeeee?” *eyelashes batting* And she always acts familiar. “Oh you are wearing your glasses today. You usually don’t wear them.” Even though I never take them off. At one point she even started talking about having a corgi, which I immediately suspected was a lie contrived after she somehow found out that I have a corgi. I still don’t know if it’s true.

Anyway, here she comes with an armload of my stuff. Luckily, I had Sharpied out all the addresses and names on the mags. There’s a quick tussle about how much the cost is, some annoying banter, and she goes back out for a bit. When she comes back in, she has a pack of pictures with her. She sing-songs, “(insert my name)….I have a question.” She opens the pack of pictures. “Is this you?” she asks.

My brain panics. It IS a picture of me. Well, crap. I left some pictures in one of the books I brought in. The pictures are copies we made for my mom but decided not to give her. I stay cool, “Why yeah, yeah that’s me.”

“I thought so. I saw that and thought, I know that face really well.” Rather than hand the pictures to me, she flips to the next one, a picture of me and B around the time we got married. “Is this your husband?”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s him.”

“Can I have this picture?”

I actually laugh. “Uh…NO?”

“Well, why not?”

“Cuz, you don’t need a picture of me and my husband.” Eyebrow up, still laughing, total “WTF” look on my face.

“Yes I do! Oh, fine.” She flips to the next picture. “Who’s this?”

“That’s my brother and his wife.”

Flips to the next picture, another of me and B. “Look how many pictures you have, can I have one?? Please??”

“No, that’s just stupid.” Apparently I didn’t feel like mincing words much.

“Why? I’m your FRIIEEEEENNND.”

Almost out of my mouth “No you’re not.” But I don’t say it. Finally, a good excuse comes to me: “These pictures are for my mom. I made copies for her and just forgot to give them to her. Sorry.”

“Come on, can’t I have just one?”

“No, they’re for my mom.”

“But I NEED one!”

Me, laughing again, trying to keep the weird situation light while still remaining forceful. “You do NOT need a picture of me.” I grab the pictures and take them back to my area.

She then says pleasantly, “Aren’t you glad it was ME who found them?”

Now, the dungusamungus (one of my homestaters, Inhofe) is inviting Crichton to speak at the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee hearing. Check it out. Because we know, with this administration and congress, fiction and reality are one and the same. And both are whatever they want it to be.

As if the picture wasn’t gay-disco hilarious enough, they tacked on this terrific blurb:

“The action begins with the drop of a coin! Kids will love seeing their hero assuming all his best web-swinging positions! Crouching, arms waving, and ready to leap! And in no time at all, a tidy little nest egg will have been deposited!”